I feel that as a young adult i can express my feelings without people having to talk behind my back. Trust. Something i lost last year for some. However, for the others who wish to take heed of this message, well, see it as a prose from the bottom of my heart.
i tend to beat myself up. As the last post, if you had taken the time to read, i had written that we are our own worst critics. See, i struggle with a small assortment of areas. Everybody does. Anger was a key struggle, in which i have under control. (Now if i can cut down with the malicious sarcasm, it will be okay :-p) with this said, i struggle with other problems that i do not wish to fully disguss over this server. nor any server for that matter. but when i accidentally fall into that small rut, instead of me hopping back up and saying, “its okay, God’s still got me,” i condemn myself and stay in this shadow of self loathing. see, self hate has been a stronger struggle than drugs, anger, lust and hatred, because it is so engrained in me to beat myself up.
thank the Lord, though that he is showing me that we all slip and mess up, and get angry for this or that. that’s why we have 70+ years (hopefully) on this planet, so we can work at what we are weak in. When i spend time with God, and i’m not talking about coprate prayer, or an hour at interns. When i really spend time with God, and dig in deep, i tend to find out that i’m not the only screw up on this planet; that each and every one of us screws up. some maybe more than others. so, as a work in progress, i shrug off the dirt and keep on truckin’. im beginning to find that this life is merely a dream. why worry and fear, and hate, and begrudge and not give it all to the Lord? this life is nothing but a spec, a dream, and after all is said and done, is it really going to matter if we had to choose between Aero and Diesel? Or if we were good athiletes or writers? I dont have to answer that..
